Savage prefer: advice about a bi guy who’s anxious about gay-hookup customs

Dan Savage answers a number of questions on many techniques from condoms towards the alleged scarcity of the market leading boys

I’m a cis bi-guy during my 40s who doesn’t have a lot of experience with some other males. I’m happily partnered to a great lady who knows I’m bi, even though we’re currently monogamous, we’ve talked about starting circumstances upwards down the road. If it takes place, I’d choose casually hook up with men now and then, but I’m a tiny bit stressed about gay-hookup culture.

1. does a lot of men dismiss me if you are bi or hitched? I suppose biphobia is more of an issue when searching for a relationship, as opposed to a hookup, but I dunno.

2. If I satisfy some guy and we’re attending fuck, could it possibly be strange to carry up condoms? I know: i ought ton’t be afraid to ask to utilize a condom, whenever some body can’t regard that, i ought ton’t screw him. I’m not and I also won’t. But will most guys be some amazed, especially with PrEP today?

3. thereon note, should I ask my personal physician about preparation whenever all i would like was a really periodic bang (perhaps a few times a-year) with individuals I’ve vetted and trust about their HIV-negative or invisible updates? I would like to feel safer, but I don’t wish to set superfluous medications in my own human anatomy.

4. Is the “top lack” I’ve find out about once or twice a genuine thing? Are several guys strictly passes or bottoms?

5. And is here whatever else i ought to understand before jumping in the software?

Curious About Navigating Brand-new Arenas Before Indulging

1. There are several biphobic homosexual boys available to choose from, WANNABI, but we gotta say, there are more biphobes during the straight neighborhood. Yes, right biphobia is actually reduced gallingly hypocritical, i shall give your, but it does more harm; studies show that creating a biphobic right wife is the single greatest threat factor for poor mental health results among bisexuals. Thus I’m very happy to listen to your spouse allows your own bisexuality, WANNABI, and I’m probably apologize beforehand the biphobia you’ll encounter from some stupid homosexual males. But if all you’re after is a few relaxed intercourse, WANNABI, you don’t should divulge your bisexuality to the guys your satisfy throughout the programs. Additionally you shouldn’t believe the boys your see on “gay” hookup applications become gay; some are going to be bisexual, just like you. Even though biphobic gay males become all push, WANNABI, there are various biphilic homosexual men out there—that try, homosexual men who will be really into married “straight” boys. Should you don’t wanna hide the spouse and don’t wanna crank up with a FWB who wants one allow the partner for your, finding men who will be really activated from the undeniable fact that you really have a wife yourself just isn’t a terrible approach.

2. Even at the peak on the AIDS crisis—even at any given time whenever getting HIV was actually virtually usually fatal—condoms weren’t put 100 percent of the time by 100 percent of homosexual and bi people. Now with preparation (a daily medicine that avoids HIV disease) and procedures for HIV+ guys that make it difficult to allow them to distributed the virus (HIV+ men with undetectable viral tons can’t send the herpes virus), fewer homosexual and bi guys are using condoms these days. Should you wanna incorporate a condom because you’re instead of preparation and/or your want to protect your self as well as your girlfriend from all the sexually-transmitted infection PrEP won’t secure your from—and that could be the rest of the sexually-transmitted attacks out there—insist on condoms and pass on guys exactly who disagree along with you about it.

3. Any time you wanna have the ability to have actually natural and/or anonymous intercourse together with other boys, taking PrEP day-to-day makes sense. But you can incorporate preparation without having they daily if you’re having sex with other boys once or twice annually and you’re creating those gender dates at least a couple of days beforehand. Intermittent or “on-demand” usage of PrEP is highly successful; grab two medications twenty four hours before you have sex and another tablet every single day for two time after ward.

4. Never assume all gay and bi men are into rectal intercourse or into anal intercourse with casual associates, WANNABI, and even though the vast majority of males I’ve encountered—most for the males I’ve experienced the shit out of—were functionally functional, there do seem to be most bottoms available to choose from than tops. Not that “bottom” and “top” include fixed identities: a guy who’ll base for your family could be much more comfortable topping for an individual more; men who likes bottoming whenever he’s young might appreciate topping more afterwards in life and vice versa, etcetera.

5. Not all picture is actually previous, WANNABI, and not every chap is good. Some men will lay to get within trousers or perhaps in your own ass or on your own dick or on your own face. Believe your own abdomen, WANNABI, and start to become choosy concerning the guys you receive to change your own website.

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